5 Tips To Help You Move On From Your Marriage
So your marriage just ended. Now what? Aside from losing your partner in crime, your best friend, you now have to establish a new mode of living. From organizing your home, possibly moving, and trying to hide the memories of what once was, the divorce process is a roller coaster of emotions.
Some days are harder than others. Songs that come on the radio, shows that you use to watch together, friends that you use to hang out with, are now behind you.
How can you go from intertwining your life with someone to feeling so alone and alienated? For your friends and family that have never been through this process, they will never understand what you’re going through. No matter how hard they try, no one gets it unless you’ve been through it. It’s just one of those things in life that you have to experience in order to fully get it.
Moving on from your marriage is more than just moving on from your marriage. It’s a little more complex. You’re not just moving on from that person that you once thought you would grow old with but you’re essentially closing a chapter of your life and creating a whole new one. A whole new life.
Scary isn’t it.
Memories will haunt you, you’re going to lose friends and family on the way. People always take sides during a divorce. They feel compelled to do so. There’s really no benefit in doing that but most people don’t know what to say or how to act when two people uncouple from each other.
They look at you like you’re a disease. They conjure up thoughts about what you should be doing or how you should be thinking and feeling. When the truth is, they have no idea what it’s like.
The darkness that surrounds your heart, the suffocating feelings of knowing a world you once knew is no mas.
So how do you move on from your relationship, when your heart is bleeding and nothing makes you feel better? When the thought of the future is scary and you have no idea what’s around the corner? How do you go from just existing to living?
These 5 tips when implemented into your daily routine, just like the habit of brushing your teeth, will help you get to a place when excitement is possible and where there is hope for a future worth creating.
Tip #1. Witness your emotions. So rather than try to figure out the whys of the demise of your relationship, allow yourself to be sad. Allow yourself to cry, be angry, feel hurt, feel disappointment. You want to ride the waves of your emotion and really allow yourself to feel all of the emotions coming up. By doing this you’ll find the answers you seek. You’ll be coming from an authentic place of witnessing the pain and trauma in your life and the willingness to want better for yourself.
Suppressing your emotions will only give them permission to keep showing up as triggers throughout your life and in the end impacting your experiences. It’s not always going to be easy but know that in the end, processing your feelings and feeling them fully will allow you to move to the next level of your healing journey and contribute to your personal development growth.
Tip#2. Find a support group. It’s so important to surround yourself with people that have been where you are. Every person has their unique story but being in a supportive encouraging, uplifting and inspiring environment will help you to feel secure and supported. You’re never going to feel more alone and alienated than when you’re going through a divorce so it’s important to know that you’re not alone.
Meetups, divorce care, Facebook groups, are all good places to start. If you’re having trouble connecting with a great group, check out my group “Moving On and Letting Go, a Support Group for Divorced or Separated Women” on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/groups/powerofthoughtsdivorcesupport/
When I first started my own divorce journey, I couldn’t find any groups that made me feel supported. All the groups I joined were judgmental or a place to just sit on feeling bad. Nothing helped me to explore my emotions and move on to a place where excitement was possible and creating my new life seemed within my reach. So I created my own group. A safe place to share stories, motivate each other and create a community where we uplift and hold a safe place for one another.
Tip #3. Start an exercise routine. Movement is so important to get the body and mind connected. It’s so easy to fall into a depression and have lack of motivation and become disconnected from everything. When you force yourself to get out and walk for 10 mins, stretch, do jumping jacks, go for a run, or even just dance, you’re going to feel the benefits immediately which in turn sends signals to the brain to keep looking for ways to feel good. Start off slow and build up from there.
As a former martial artist and boxer, I know how good it feels when you get your body going, and get blood rushing throughout the system. Having three kids these days, I don’t get to train as often as id like but I do dedicate 10-25 mins of exercise into my routine everyday. I put on YouTube and find my favorite trainers to work out with.
On the days where I can’t fit in a morning of exercise, I turn up the music with my kids in the evening and we dance. It’s a win win for everyone. And sometimes, you’ll find me at the park on playdates with my kids and I’ll pull up YouTube on my phone and get a quick workout in there. I don’t care who’s watching and yes my friends make fun of me but it’s all in good fun.
Tip #4. Meditate. So why is meditation important? Will it fix your broken marriage, give you extra money in the bank, and bring you your dream lover? Possible. But it’s all up to you. Meditation is a great way to calm the mind and align with thoughts and feelings that serve you. When you devote at least 5 minutes of meditating every day, you’ll put yourself in a place to make better decisions for yourself, find clarity and move towards a future that serves you and that you can get excited about. You’ll rely less on the opinions of others and you’ll turn to your inner self more and more for the answers to your questions.
Even if you have monkey mind, where your thoughts just keep coming and coming, with just 30 seconds of mindful breathing sprinkled throughout your day, you’ll train your mind to become still. The more you practice mindful breathing the easier it will become for you to calm your thoughts, still your mind and align with choices and actions that benefit you.
Try setting your phone timer to go off every 2 hours, with a reminder to breathe for 30 second. So for 30 seconds just focus on your breath. Breathing in through your nose and out through your nose to practice focusing on your breath.
When my divorce process started I would set a reminder on my phone for every hour from 9am till 10 pm to remind me to take in those luxurious moments of breathing. Doing so helped to combat the feelings of anxiety and sadness that was plaguing me at the time.
Tip #5. The last tip is to trust. NO I’m not crazy. I know you’re going through the divorce process and trust is probably the last thing on your mind. It’s most likely broken and seems irreparable since you put your trust in this other person to spend forever with and now that life is shattered. So what do I mean by trust? Trust in your higher power. Connect to your source, whatever that may before you. Deepen your spirituality and know that you’re always being guided and supported. You just have to be willing to understand that.
We forget that the same miracle that created us, is always with us. It never left us although that may seem true when we’re experiencing the grief and pain of a divorce. We have to be open and willing to become more aware. To see that sometimes the hardest things in our lives is the one that brings us the most growth to experience phenomenal joy. It may not always look that way but know that “everything is always working out for you.”
This mantra is one that I often repeat on the daily. It has helped me to shift my negative thoughts to hope and excitement. Excitement of what’s to come and trust in knowing that I get to create the life I want. No one else gets that job but me. People and situations may contribute to the overall picture but at the end of the day the power is within me.
I never fully understood that until I put it into action in my own life. When I took responsibility for me being the designer of my life, my perception changed and I got busy in creating the life I wanted and not just looking at my past.
Every thought we have, leads us to an action that we take. We can choose to remain stuck or we can choose to move on with excitement for the possibilities ahead. You don’t have to know how everything will fall into place. That’s not up to you to figure out. Getting clear on what you want, and getting aligned with your thoughts and feelings will make it happen.
How empowering is that? It takes time, it takes practice and it takes dedication and devotion to YOU. You can spend your time waiting for your ex to get his, you can spend your time running through the memories over and over again feeling even more sad and depressed or you can choose to create a new path, new memories and a new life that makes you happy.
The fact is, there is no magic button to press to move on from a past you once knew. You can’t just erase the memories and the feelings that come with it.
By following the 5 tips above you will learn how to move on in a way that leaves you in the driver’s seat of your life. You have the keys, you now have to figure out your path and that’s the most exciting part.
When you tap into the infinite possibilities ahead of you and stick to your unshakable trust from the guidance above, in whatever form that may be, the universe, cosmos, budda, god, unicorns, fairies, you will know it feels like to move on. You will embrace the memories and the past and you will have the strength and courage to look ahead and be the creator for this next chapter.
Baby steps. Be easy on yourself. Love yourself more and know that everything is always working out for you. It may not always seem that way but hold on to your faith and keep trusting that you are on the right path.
You’re the writer of your life. What’s your story going to be?
Leave me a comment or an email and let me know how you’re designing your life.
You’re a precious soul that deserves to be happy. You are on the right path.
With all my love,
Vita
PS: Want more inspiration, sign up here https://www.heartbreaktohappy.com/join-our-newsletter for my weekly newsletter. You can also find me at www.instagram.com/kavita_lagalla
PPS: if you’re looking for a divorce support group feel free to check out mine. Click https://www.facebook.com/groups/powerofthoughtsdivorcesupport/ on Facebook, answer the three questions and you’ll soon be on your way to connecting with some beautiful, loving and compassionate souls who are going through the same process as you.