This One Thing Will Help You Let Go Of A Toxic Relationship

This One Thing Will Help You Let Go Of A Toxic Relationship

In life we encounter many different people and as a result we form many different relationships.  Some of those relationships are easier to let go of and some you just want to hold onto even though they cause you pain.

The thing I realized about leaving a toxic, not so healthy relationship was that even though the writing was on the wall that things were getting bad, there was still a little voice that kept popping up in my head telling me maybe it was your fault after all, maybe if you did this differently or did that or maybe shouldn’t haven’t said that or maybe didn’t act that way, things would be different. And in some cases this awareness can be a good thing.

It brings light to the things that needs to be worked on within yourself first.  But when you constantly only find fault in yourself and recognize that it wasn’t all you, is when you are able to move on and let go in a healthy way.  That little voice that pops up is the ego. The ego doesn’t like change and it likes to keep us where we think its safe. Usually that comes from experiences in our past that gets stuck in our subconscious brain. That little voice is the one that keeps us stuck in situations that are not healthy for us because it elicits a fear of the unknown.

Did you ever notice that even though you weren’t happy with a relationship and you knew deep down inside things needed to change but you were still willing to go back into it knowing that things would go back to the way it was before?  That’s a great example of the ego. When you make note of the things that you want to change about your relationship you have to go within yourself first and start working on yourself before you expect any sort of changes to apply in your relationship with another person.  

I kept wanting my husband to respect me but the truth was I wasn’t giving that same respect to myself.  I was allowing him to talk to me in a certain way and instead of stopping it, I internalized it and accepted it.  He did the best he knew how raised by a man that did the same to his mother. That was what I had accepted as my truth.

When you put yourself in a place of empowerment by working on issues from within first, then you no longer attract those situations that make you feel bad.  Everything you want to experience starts from within first. It comes from a place of self-love towards yourself.

The truth is, when people are looking for another person to make them happy, they are not really happy within themselves. How they feel about the other person is a direct reflection of what’s going on inside of themselves.  Do you ever notice that when someone pushes your buttons you react in a certain way? Or you move from one relationship to the next only to find the same problems happening again but with a different person or you change jobs and find yourself with the same boss just a different face?

When you find yourself in those situations, instead of taking on the energy of what you’re observing, use that as an opportunity to work on yourself and give yourself what you are expecting from that other person. If you’re looking for respect, give yourself respect, if you’re looking for love, feel love and appreciation towards yourself. This change doesn’t happen overnight.  It definitely takes time to practice but when you make a conscious effort to bring that way of being into your life, the momentum picks up and takes on a life of its own. When it comes down to attracting anything you want in this universe its all about feeling good one baby step at a time.

I have always lived by the Law of Attraction but going through my divorce with my husband I had to really make it part of my life with every single thought. And by being consciously aware of what I am thinking and how I am feeling at any given moment is what is allowing me to truly move on and let go of this situation and heal in a way that allows me to embrace my own power.

Letting go of a relationship that no longer serves me is the most liberating feeling. But I didn’t just get to that place.  Before I got there it was a lot of self-doubt, blame and beating up on myself. I always believed that I was a confident, strong woman, yet experiencing the end of my marriage, a marriage I thought would last forever, brought in all the self-doubt I had buried for many years.  Internalizing issues and not working on them proved that I was disrespecting myself and allowing it to continually happen over and over again. There is absolutely nothing healthy about that.

So the next time someone pushes your buttons or you’re looking for something in a partner that they’re just not giving you, look at yourself first and then figure out if you’re giving yourself what you’re asking of that other person.  Take the energy off trying to make that person change or for that person to acknowledge something and go within yourself.

Some relationships can’t be fixed, bottom line, but when you work on yourself first then making the decision to let go of a toxic, unhealthy relationship comes from a place of empowerment where no doubt or fear is present.  You just know it’s the right thing to do.

Are you in a toxic relationship?  If so, how can you give back to yourself what you are expecting of that other person?

Xoxo,

Vita